Managing a Healthy Relationship

What does my Friends car breaking down have to do with healthy relationships

One day I was talking with some colleagues in the office about the different relationships they were experiencing. One of the girls had just broken up with her boyfriend and was quite distressed.

In the middle of the conversation I got a call from some friends of mine that were very distraught because they were ?stuck on the freeway. Their car had broken down because the fan belt had snapped and they did not know what to do.

I quickly rang a tow truck and organized for them to get picked up.

What does this have to do with relationships?

As I was sitting there waiting to hear that they had been rescued I was thinking about the similarity to my friends and this girl who’s relationship had suffered a similar fate.

1. Without regular Maintenance things can go wrong.

If you do not regularly maintain your car then the result can be a breakdown.

The same applies to relationships. It is not simply a matter of having someone in your life but actually interacting with them and consciously taking steps to keep the relationship vibrant and alive. It is necessary to do some regular checks to make sure small things do not become huge problems.

It is often the small things that cause a break down.

2. Don’t leave it for the other person.

My friends share the car and had thought the other person was fixing any problems.

I have found in my relationships that assuming that others in the relationship were doing certain things has been the cause of many problems that could have been avoided.

Example: My girlfriend normally cooks the meals however if I notice she is tired I will either prepare dinner or go buy takeaway. This not only gives her the sense that I care but also avoids resentment in stressful situations.

3. Plan your Relationship.

We drive our cars with a purpose which is usually to reach a destination.

A healthy relationship involves setting destinations as points of reference. When you talk with your friends you will notice that as the relationship grows it is because you share certain things in common where you had fun and enjoyed each others company.

This can be a movie, dinner at home or in a restaurant, a games night, a walk in the park. They can be done together or in a group. Whatever you do together result in a point of reference in a relationship and create strong bonds.

If you don’t plan these little adventures they wont happen.

4. Random acts of ?kindness.

Many times we will give to charities or other worthy causes but when did you just give your partner a few dollars to spend on themselves.

Often in our relationships we are so busy just living life that we miss out on the benefits of a random act of kindness.

These are things you don’t have to do but create strong bonds in a relationship. Sending your partner off to a spa, buying them their favorite CD, bringing home their favorite coffee or drink all build to grow a strong relationship.

5. Making Decisions and being fair.

Relationships should be give and take. Taking turns in making decisions, be it as simple as choosing a movie to watch or a place to eat at. This means that you’re not keeping count of how many times the other person has made the decision for the two of you as a couple, and you’re not turning the decision making process into a power struggle as to who should get his way.

6. Separate Identities.

This means compromising in situations where there is a difference in interest. This doesn’t have to end up with one losing their identity just to give way to the other person. Both partners should still be able to maintain time for their own interest like when they started with the relationship.

7. Communication is the Key

As humans the way we interact is through talking and communicating. How deep you can do this usually determines the strength of your relationship.

At the beginning of a relationship it is usually in the form of banter and small talk however as the relationship grows we share on more intimate topics. This can be a make or break situation.

Having the sincerity to speak what’s on your mind, provided you’ve thought it out thoroughly enough to know that what you say will be taken in a good, constructive way.

What makes a relationship unhealthy?

A relationship starts becoming unhealthy once it becomes mean, disrespectful, controlling and hurtful. A person who has grown up watching physical and emotional abuse inside their homes will most likely think that it’s normal in a relationship.

A healthy relationship will have the opposite attributes and using some of the suggestions above can turn you relationship around.

Relationships normally need work.

It may have started with an overwhelming feeling of love for one another, but then again, keeping that love is a totally different thing altogether. Understanding you and your partner’s differences, accepting them and working around those differences will make your relationship easier to handle.

Just like the friends car who had neglected regular maintenance and the girl at work who had let all the little things in life destroy her relationship it is important to realize that relationships involve people and all their differences.

Organizing to do lots of little things together away from the hassles of everyday life will build a strong relationship whether with a partner or friends.

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