Healthy Arguing

Being in a relationship can be stressful and there will be times when you get into an argument with your partner. Aside from your personal life as a stressor, there are other factors such as work, traffic, and financial instability. As the world becomes busy, rage has become rampant. In a recent cover story, Newsweek shows that all over the world, people have become restless and their tempers have become volatile. Anger has become commonplace ? in the road, at the office, even in your relationship. All too often, anger has pushed couples away from each other, it has broken many lives. Hence, it is important that you learn how to cope with it so you can deal with your loved ones properly.
According to Judith Orloff, the author of Emotional Freedom, anger can be good and bad. Anger is good when it fights injustice, gathers people to move towards a goal, motivates people to fight for a cause. Anger is healthy when it is expressed in a focused manner. If you use anger to harm or punish others, then it could have devastating effects. For example, researches have shown that people who react to stress using anger are more prone to heart attack compared to their calmer counterparts. Moreover, couples who hurl insults when they argue have a higher tendency of separating than those who have a "we’re in this together" attitude. Yet, suppressing anger isn’t the answer either. Studies have shown that people who stay quiet in times of marital arguments have a higher chance of dying from stress related illnesses. While it is true that pent up anger is dangerous, it doesn’t mean that you should always blow up; instead, you have to learn strategies on how to express it in a body-friendly way.
Here are some tips you can use to diffuse anger:

1.Pause before you speak up.
When you’re upset, your body releases adrenaline and will push you to do things you don’t normally do. You may say something you don’t mean, or you can end up physically hurting your partner. You may want to have a relationship where you can speak up when you’re angry, but you’ll also want to train yourself to pause and count to ten (or fifty if necessary) before you say or do anything. Take deep breaths and regroup so you don’t do anything you’ll regret later on.

2.Reduce steam.
You’ll need to calm your neurotransmitters so you have to find ways to reduce external stimulation. You may want to take a walk, listen to soothing music, exercise or meditate so you can expel anger from your system.

3.Don’t deal with your anger when you’re rushing.
When you’re running late, and you find yourself in an argument, it is best to just leave and deal with the problem later, when you have more time. This way, you can have more time to identify what is causing your anger.

4.Don’t address your anger when you’re tired or you lack sleep.
Anger affects sleep, it can even lead to insomnia in certain cases. Without enough sleep, you’ll find it even more difficult to think about solutions to your issues – you can be easily irritated and is more prone to lashing out. Hence, make sure you are well rested before you raise an argument so you are less prone to acting out of irritation and you can have a balanced conversation with your partner.

When it comes to anger, your goal is to control the moment so it doesn’t control you. It is important that you think before you act and this you can do only when you are physically prepared to handle the situation.

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